Talking to children
Children may have mixed, complex feelings or they may feel ‘numb’. Depending on their age, children may understand death differently. It is important to remember your role as an adult is to be supportive and help them to understand the situation and their emotions.
You naturally might want to protect children from knowing what has happened, and to want to tell them an alternative explanation for why the person died. However, even young children can overhear conversations, see visits from strangers and the police, or feel like something is happening. It is better for children to hear the truth from people who are close to them, and who can tell them in a safe, loving way.
Talking about what has happened is a chance to answer any questions and to check that they have understood what has been said. It is also a chance to reassure them they were not to blame. Ideally, a parent would be the best person to tell the child what has happened – if this is not possible, ask someone they trust to explain what has happened.
What a child may feel
If you have already told children a different explanation
Even if you have already told children a different explanation for the person’s death, you can go back and change it. It can be very hard to tell children what has happened, or think it’s better to wait until their older, but it is always better to be truthful.
Here is one way you could explain that you’d like to tell children more about what happened:
“You know I told you that your dad had an accident and that is why he died. Well, I’ve been thinking about this and I would like to tell you a little more about how he died. I didn’t know what to say when it happened, it was such a shock. Now I’d like you to know what actually happened that day.”