If you are here because you have been bereaved by suicide, we are sorry for your loss. We know that this is a difficult and overwhelming time. With the help of people who have experienced loss through suicide, we have tried to put together some information about what may be happening in the days, weeks and months ahead. Please do not feel that you need to read everything at once, but hopefully, you can find what you might need to know right now.
You may find that some days all you can think about is your loss and some days you are able to do some tasks or think a little about your next steps in life. You may switch between these on an hourly basis: this is natural. Sometimes it can feel as if grief takes over every part of your life, all the time.
But people bereaved by suicide report that one day, perhaps against expectations, you may find that there is space for something else – a plan, a hope. And one day, maybe there is a little more space. It isn’t so much that your grief is growing smaller; it’s that you are growing around the grief.
There will be days when on waking up you will forget what has happened – and feel guilty for having done so. Then there will be days when, for a while, you can laugh with a friend, enjoy a programme on TV or admire a view.
And one day, you will find that you remember and think more about the life of the person who died than about how they died. You won’t forget that, but it will seem less vivid than who they were and what you shared with them while they were alive.
There may be days further down the line when it is especially difficult to deal with what has happened.
These might include the birthday of the person who died – and your own birthday; the anniversary of the day they died – and maybe of the funeral; Father’s Day or Mother’s Day; and occasions such as Christmas.
Sometimes people say the first time these come around is the worst, others find it isn’t until future anniversaries that it hits home that the person won’t be able to share these days again. These days will always have a special resonance and it may help to find a way of marking them. This may be something as simple as lighting a candle, or visiting a place that has a connection for you to the person who died. Or it could be bringing out the photo album and telling stories while eating their favourite food and listening to their favourite music.
Perhaps take time to share special memories or stories of your loved one with family or friends who care. And at any time, be gentle on yourself – give yourself the time and space to grieve.
